Sex Driven Judgement

In the sex driven society that we live in today, is it really acceptable to fool around with who you want?  The timeless point in a sexist argument is that when men are promiscuous they are lads, and that when women are promiscuous they are sluts. Regardless of the point, we are all judged on our sexual escapades, and perplexed as to why.  Apart from some select species of mammals, in the animal kingdom there is no judgment.  If you want to rub your ass on a tree it’s okay, if you want to sleep with every member of your species it’s okay.  Why is it different for humans?  Why have the rules changed?

Some women, and men, believe in a natural and drug-free birth because that’s how nature intended it, but nature also intended that we don’t drive cars or have television, and I don’t see them complaining about that.  It is through the evolution of the physical and emotional aspects of our species that we have developed this judgmental tone, but why?  How can you selectively choose which ‘natural’ and ‘unevolved’ aspects of life you want?

Why does someone spreading their legs more often than another suddenly define them as a person?  If anything, I would say they have good oral communication skills.  Sex is a natural and wonderful part of life. Yes, it’s main purpose is for producing children, but a cars main purpose is to drive you to a destination, not for McDonalds meet ups or skidding around corners.  Drugs are meant to be used to relieve physical pain, yet they’re used vicariously for pleasure.  We release pheromones from our skin to attract others, and those lingering tension filled stares don’t entice the thought of I want to have your children, they provoke the want to do the process safely.

Sex has been such an important aspect of our lives, and it was once considered a science within the Indian culture, need I mention the Karma Sutra?  It is natural to be curious, it has been documented extensively in text dating back to the first novel ever written.  There are Greek statues, historic books, Hollywood blockbuster movies that talk about the erotic lifestyle, and yet people are still fearful of it.

The counter argument is that sex is an intimate act, you are completely exposing yourself to someone, and that isn’t something that should be taken lightly, all of which I completely agree with. However, what if you have connected to many people in your life? Many people that have made you want to share that incredibly intimate moment with.  Are you still a slut?  Are you still throwing your self-respect away?  I think that being afraid to live your life, being afraid of being judged by others is throwing your self-respect away.  Why does someone else’s thoughts on the most natural and primitive part of your life matter?  I can guarantee that when they are on their death bed they won’t be thinking I’m so glad she didn’t have too much sex.  However, you will be on your deathbed wondering why you starved yourself of such a wonderful experience.

I’m not saying to go out and sleep with the next person that you meet, but what I am saying is what’s wrong with it?  Why does one person’s personal decision matter so much to everyone?  When that bedroom, bathroom, or taxi door closes, society should keep their heads and their opinions to themselves.  If that’s too difficult, I suggest that you buy some earplugs.

A Childs View

There will be many moments in your life when you wonder who you are, what you are doing, or who you will become.  No matter what age you are you will look into the future with fear on your face because you don’t know where you are going or if where you are going will bring you joy.

To me looking into the future is like looking into an unfocused telescope, you have a rough idea of the image but nothing is or will ever be definite. Is it scary? yes.  Does the future have the strange ability to make people do things they normally wouldn’t? yes.  However as utterly petrifying as the future is, there is sometimes a strange sense of excitement at looking into the unknown.

As a teenager I often find that my view on life is often not respected.  It is looked upon as if it is stupid, naive or silly.  However is it possible that my ‘silly little view’ is actually a view that is unaltered or unbiased?  Is it possible that my eyes have not yet been poisoned by society?  Is it possible that my view, my silly view, is actually the product of innocence and hope for the future?

We are told as we grow older that the world is a bad place, and that no matter who or where we are we will be hurt by the world.  Young minds are taught about grotesque atrocities such as murder and rape.  Their sweet and youthful minds are exposed to war in the form of a video game, and then their easily influenced minds are warped by our harsh words that we use to ‘protect and inform’ them of the horrors of the modern world.  Are we protecting them?  Are we adding fuel to the fire?  Are we signing our death warrants?

I can’t help but wonder that if we took away the video games that consist of war would it be less common and more taboo?  I can’t help but wonder that if we took away the programmes that glamourise the life of a drug dealer would they become obsolete?  I can’t help but wonder that if we took away childrens exposure to hurt and harm, would they ever inflict it… I can’t help but wonder.

The pure voice of an innocent child is not silly, it is rare and should be treasured.  A child views the world in a way that no adult could imagine, because they view it as it could be, and not as it is.  So my question is why do we change something that brings us so much hope?  Why do we disregard a view so important?  Are we the ones with the silly and naive views?

My childhood, My future, My present.

When I think of my childhood I think of my sobbing mother on the stairs screaming and crying uncontrollably because she was depressed, I remember walking up the stairs and telling her that everything would work and that I would go and make her some tea… I was six.

I remember having a mental breakdown at the age of eight because I felt abandoned by my mum despite the fact that she was there.  I remember growing up in a childhood filled with sadness, bullying, anger, hurt, depression, frustration and poverty.  I remember my mum spending her last pennies of her pay-cheque on me so that I got a little treat but that meant that she didn’t get anything.  We had enough money to keep us going for food and rent but apart from that we didn’t have very much money for luxuries.

I remember having a very cheap pink rocking horse that I got for christmas and someone stealing it, I remember being burgled and my mum sleeping with a knife underneath her pillow because she was a single-parent and she felt afraid and threatened.  When I look back at my childhood I realise that I lack the mountain of joyous memories that others may have had.  Don’t get me wrong, I had Christmas and presents but that was the only time of year that everything was good, but that was only if mum wasn’t crying or working.

My life has been a series of drama where after one bad thing happens a new one shortly follows.  I have had to be the adult in my house for a while because I was the emotionally stable one, and even today I am the stable one and I am the one with the cooking skill, the budgeting skill and the maturity.  Recently my mum has gotten better since she got engaged, she seems to be more motivated to be the ‘perfect mother and wife’ but all that unrealistic goal does is ruin her.  She would be happy for a month of two and then she would start screaming, crying and throwing and breaking things, all of the walls that hold up her mind are broken and a wave on uncontrollable anger and depression posses her.  Last time this happened was roughly a month ago and it was the worst one.  For no reason she began to scream, cry and smash things.  She walked into my room where I was studying for my exams and she told me that ‘she wasn’t a good enough mother for me and that she needed to give me to someone who could look after me’ and walked out of my room.  I ran after her and asked her what she was talking about and she repeated the same thing, I begged her not to and asked if she would at least visit me, and thats when everything went worse.  She told me that she could because she couldn’t face this world anymore, she told me that she loved me and that she would miss me but I would be better off if she was dead, my heart stopped.  The pain that surged through my body was indescribable because my mum just told me that she was going to kill herself.  I ran after her and it was no use because she was adamant, she nearly threw herself down the stairs and then she ran out of the house, jumped into her car, told me that she loved me, said good bye and then left.

That was the worst moment of my life because the one thing that had managed to remain stationary in my life had just left, and thats when I broke, I still have the scars.  My point is that I have been forced to grow up early in order to keep myself and my mum and I safe and alive.  I understand that a lot of people have went through experiences worse than this and I am so thankful that I am lucky enough to still have my mum alive, but I will never forget this.

A lot of teenagers in this day and age are being forced to give up their childhood so that they can grow up and get a promising future, but what will they do when they grow up and regret wasting the most free time of their life captivated?  Yes, study as much as you need but you need a balance because that is what adolescence is about, studying and having fun, its the grey area between being a child and an adult.  Life your life in preparation for the future and appreciation for the present, dont live it in a cage because if you do how are you meant to experience the wonders of life?  How are you meant to experience falling irrevocably in love?  How are you meant to experience the joy of little or no responsibilty?  How are you meant to enjoy being perky? Life you life, love your life, appreciate your life because you only get one.

The Minor Details

Sometimes in life you are so busy with your own life and the minor details of it that the rest of the world begins to fade into darkness.  You think about the silly things such as ‘what am I going to have for dinner?’, ‘I wonder if those skinny jeans that I tumble-dryed would suffocate me?’ and ‘How is Kim Kardashians bum so big?’…  Sometimes we are so clueless about what is going on around us because we are so confined in our own lives.

Recently I have learnt the lesson of looking at the bigger picture and this is something that my mum has told me as the years have passed by.  I have been told to consider the repercussions of my actions and to consider what effect my actions would have on others, but sadly due to the fact that I was naive and my mum was telling me this… naturally I didn’t listen.  I was so absorbed in the minor details of a situation (details such as ‘what am I going to say and when’)  that I forgot what outcome my decisions would have in the future, and even still I know that what I am doing could cause a Christmas shopping trolly full of problems, but I am too absorbed in the present and the minor details to consider the future… and that really is naive.

Why are we so infatuated with such silly things like details because after all they will make little difference to the overall picture?  Why do we focus on ‘what we will wear on a date and how hot we will look?’, its because no matter what age you are it is the little details that make all the difference, but they only make a difference to you.  Sometimes people obsess over the details because they are too afraid to look at the bigger picture because on some level they know that they will hate what they find.  In my opinion the perfect example is revising basic addition instead of the use of quadratic equations because you know that you will just drop to the floor in defeat. Sometimes we just need to open our eyes and view the world for what it is and maybe then will we realise that the minor details are pointless, but they are never meaningless, like a pawn in a game of chess.

What can we really be?

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” William Shakespeare. In life we are frequently told who we are, what our expectations in life should be, what we should amount to. We are told that our dreams are too unrealistic and that our hopes are nothing more than a fantasy. Everyone is so good at criticising others about their dreams and abilities, and I can’t help wonder why. Is it because their dreams and abilities have been doubted? Is it because they doubt themselves? Or is it because they are jealous of our ambition?

This principal is also applied to ourselves, we have our dreams in our heads but we are so afraid of failing that we never try. What would happen if we did try? Would we succeed? Would we live our life feeling regret? Would we fail? We are so busy judging ourselves on what we do in the present, and how we look or act in the present, but we forget that who we are now will be different than who we are in the future. We forget that trying to achieve your dreams can effect you in exceptional ways, it can make you more independent and driven. Who we are now is not who we may be, it is who used to be because everyone, no matter who you are, should strive to achieve their biggest dream, because only then will you be who you really are, when you are happy, determined, driven and content.

Love and independance

Recently I have been surrounded with nothing but other people displaying their ‘love’ for each other, I have been surrounded with what feels like endless amounts of couples who are publicly displaying their affection for each other.  As some of you may already know, I don’t believe in love.  I don’t mean that I think that it doesn’t exist, I mean that I don’t believe in the whole ‘knight in shining armour’ principal where you will be wiped off of your feet by some hero on a white steed.  I believe that love is when you have a deep and meaningful emotional connection with someone whom you deeply care about, I believe that it is personal and unique to every person but I also believe that love is such a known and widely used emotion.  Think about this… How many times have you said ‘I love you’ to someone?  How many times have you written it? Thought it? Dreamt about it?  I think that people in this century are so afraid to be alone because of all of the pressure put on us by romance books and movies.  I think that we subconsciously judge ourselves because we aren’t in some fervent and passionate relationship, we make ourselves believe that we don’t deserve anyone because we are single, and what does that mean when someone does come along? It means that we have undervalued our worth and deem it a ‘miracle’ that someone has taken notice, and then due to our pessimistic view of ourselves, that person appears to be greater than what they really are, they become a saviour from singleness… a life-line… a lie.

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I don’t know about you, but I would prefer to be single, independent and happy, rather than living a lie where I have convinced myself that I am in love because I’m afraid of being alone.  Our parents taught us to be independent, to cook and to clean, to have initiative and strength.  They taught us good morals and how to treat everyone as equals in this world, and yet the irony is that we treat ourselves like we don’t deserve love, and then when we are in ‘love’, we lose all of our independence.  The lessons that we were taught as a child were meant to prepare us for our adult lives, they were meant to help to protect us in this iniquitous world, and yet when we are most vulnerable and need those lessons the most… we forget about them because we are so afraid of being hurt.  Where did our independence go?  When did we become so susceptible to the fantasies of movies?  When did we stop believing in ourselves?  When did we start thinking that we needed someone else?

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A childhood thought, an adulthood nightmare.

It doesn’t seem to matter where you are in the world, you will always want to be somewhere else. Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘You always want what you can’t have’? In my opinion that phrase is the truest thing that I have ever heard. Most people in the world strive to change themselves to make themselves feel better. They try to earn more money or act differently so that they can be somewhere or someone different. Why do we always do these things? Why do we feel the need to want what we can’t have? In each and every one of us there is still that childish part that wants the others kids toys. A part that doesn’t want a toy of their own until someone else is playing with it, that is part of being a child. The funny thing is, that trait has developed with us as we have aged. It now no-longer effects the minor things such as toys, instead it effects our jobs, love lives and personal choice.

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All of our decisions are influenced by the fact that we are never satisfied with what we have, we are always wanting more. For example, if you were offered a job that paid three thousand pounds extra a year but you had to work ten more hours a week, would you take it? lets say you took it, the chances are that you were so happy with the fact that you are getting more money (more of something that is limited), you gave your answer very quickly. Now, without realising you said yes to getting more money but you have been moved into a higher tax bracket. This means that overall you have less money that what you got before, and you are working more hours. The point of what I told you is that money is seen as something that we can’t have or something that is scarce. This can mean that the decisions that we make regarding it can often be rushed because of our desperation to have more, and due to the desperation we can end up making the wrong decision.

And so, something that have been told since we were children has effected our lives in uncountable and immeasurable ways, and yet it still has the same principle; You always want a better toy, the better toy that you can never have.

forcing the karmic balance

In this day and age it is nearly impossible to be unique and to be confident enough to be unique. Most people on the internet and even in real life are obsessed with putting people down and making them feel like they are worthless. You may refer to these people as ‘trolls’ or ‘haters’, you may of experienced them yourself or know of someone who is a victim of their cruel and harsh words. The truth is that the people out there who feel that they need the diminish others in order to make themselves feel like they are worth something are worthless. They try to make themselves look bigger than what they are because they are so small.

I, personally, have encountered many haters in both my real life and my internet life. Their real words that were spoken to my face hurt just as much as their pixilated words that they typed. The worst thing about it was that I couldn’t see their faces as they typed it, and they couldn’t see the deep feeling of hurt protruding from my eyes as I read their evil comments. The ‘trolls’ and ‘haters’ hide behind a facade of pixels and a screen in hopes that they will not feel remorse for the words they have typed. They hope that they won’t see the hurt in your eyes or the tears run down your face because that means that they would realise just how monstrous they really are.

You need to be confident in your own abilities and realise that those ‘haters’ are haters because they have been hated on. They know how you feel because they too have experienced it, and thats why they are enforcing the pain onto you. maybe they are enforcing their own ‘karmic balance’ or maybe they are seeking revenge on others because of someone else’s words. All you need to know is that if we all had an eye for an eye, we would all be blind. If we all live in a world of hate and revenge then how we will find love and compassion. You can either have one or the other, you can never have both.

trust

Trust, one of the most important things in our lives, the thing that builds relationships and the thing that also tears them apart.  Most people reading this have given their trust to someone that has either not given them theirs in return or abused your trust.  Trust is such a vital part of a relationship and the ability of being able to trust someone brings a great sense of security to you and your partner, but what happens when that trust is lost? What happens when you give your trust to someone who disregards the seriousness of your relationship and abuses your trust?  It could be you believing that you are in a monogamous relationship and them being promiscuous, or it could be you trusting someone who doesn’t trust you back and you are then left with nothing but a one-sided relationship.  In a relationship should you be afraid of the other person being promiscuous?  Three months in should you want to check their phone?  In that case, was trust even there?  Can we, as humans, have a relationship or continue a relationship when we don’t trust the other?  Are we so afraid of being alone that we enter an unstable relationship in search for security? Where is our independence? Did we ever have any?

 

 

Freedom and Independance

There comes a point in every one’s life when they just stop and assess everything, their job, their talent, their friends, their relationships.  This is a point in which you wonder whether you are living your life abiding with someone else’s rules or whether you are living your life abiding with what you want or aspire to be.  the fear of realising that you have wasted your life in hopes of impressing someone else is greater than the fear of knowing that you aren’t on the right path, and yet we still live according to other people rules thinking that they are what keeps us going, the things that keep us successful, the things that give us the luxuries in life, when all along it was us depriving ourselves of independence that gave us those things.  would you rather abide by someone else’s rules so you can have a luxury or two more, or would you rather live your life with independence and no fear of letting someone down, with a feeling of being free? Are we all just too afraid of being judged that we deprive ourselves of independence and freedom?